75. Conversation Elevator

Key Definitions

While some people can work on their own, managers need to spend most of their time in conversation with others – engaging in two-way communication with the intention of achieving some result, such as gaining a better understanding, making a decision, or moving into action.

Conversations involve the simple act of verbally interacting with each other, sometimes on a one-to-one basis, while at other moments in larger group settings. But while interacting is commonplace and easy, interacting effectively is rarer and more difficult. It requires both sides to talk to each other in a particular way, in other words, to use a specific conversation type.

Conceptual Model

The Conversation Elevator model distinguishes three conversation types, that from bottom to top progressively lift the interaction to a higher level of effectiveness. The model suggests that if people are not intentional about how they engage in conversation, they will get stuck at the ground floor; in discussion, exchanging views, talking at each other, with little impact on either’s opinion. To move one level up, to a debate type conversation, they need to start listening and talking against the other, with the intention of expounding their views and convincing the other. To elevate the conversation to the level of dialogue, at which people talk with each other, exploring each other’s views, requires the mental shift of wanting to truly understand the other’s perspective, in order to build on it. This is usually the most effective conversation type.

Key Elements

The three types of conversations are the following:

1. Discussion: Exchanging Views. A discussion is a type of conversation in which each speaker is more interested in being heard than in hearing – each broadcasts their own views, with limited attention being paid to arguments put forward by others. In the worst case, it is hardly two-way communication, but various people engaged in one-way communication simultaneously. Typically, people in a discussion will be caught up in their own thought processes, which they need to make consistent and justify, with little cognitive bandwidth to make sense of someone else’s views. Therefore, they will keep on repeating their own truth and only respond to people’s points if they neatly fit in their own worldview.
2. Debate: Expounding Views. A debate is a type of conversation in which at least one side is intent on “winning” – proving they are right and the other is wrong. While in a discussion both sides are too busy with their own thought processes to hear what the other means, in a debate people do actually listen to each other, but to find weaknesses in the other’s arguments, so they can open a new avenue of attack. The listening is not open-minded and constructive, but partisan and offensive, giving the verbal boxer more opportunities to land a counter punch. Still, a debate is more effective than a discussion in highlighting the relative strengths and weaknesses of various points of views. So, debates can be useful.
3. Dialogue: Exploring Views. A dialogue is a type of conversation in which both sides build on each other’s ideas to reach more insight – they use their different perspectives and joint brainpower to reach conclusions they won’t have been able to achieve separately. This requires all participants to receive the others’ arguments without immediate judgement and with the intention of trying to understand their point of view. Only once this new information is digested, can a tailored response be formulated that tries to bring the argument further. If the goal of both sides is to explore issues together and/or reach more considered decisions, then this type of conversation tends to be the most effective.

Key Insights

• Conversation is a key management tool. Talking might be managers’ most widely used tool for getting things done. This talking is sometimes one-directional, as when managers give a presentation, tell people what to do, or give a compliment. But more often, it is two-way communication, in which people talk about issues and argue about potential ways forward. This verbal interaction between two or more people is called conversation.
• Conversation comes in three types. There are three types of conversations. A discussion is where parties exchange views, without much reaction to the others’ opinions. This adds little value and is therefore classified as lose-lose. In a debate each party expounds their views, trying to prove they’re right and the others wrong, making it a win-lose affair. In a dialogue all parties explore each other’s views, with the intention of gaining deeper insight, making it a win-win type of conversation.
• Each conversation type has a different view of the other. Someone in discussion-mode sees the other as audience that needs to be told. Someone in debate-mode sees the other as opponent that needs to be convinced. Someone in dialogue-mode sees the other as sparring partner who can help to figure things out.
• Conversations can be elevated to a higher level. When people don’t think about their conversation intentions and the role of their counterparts, they quickly get stranded in discussion. They can elevate a conversation to reach a specific goal, such as getting their way (debate) or gaining more understanding (dialogue) but need to do this consciously.
• Effective conversation requires better listening. Moving to a higher conversation level starts with trying to understand the other, reacting to their points, and then subsequently asking them to listen and respond to you, instead of allowing them to repeat their initial position. This process is also described in the Disciplined Dialogue model (#29).